The world of online dating is WEIRD. Amazing, rich with potential, so effing easy…but wtf?
[Edit: I am in a relationship and out of this exhausting but exciting world]
I had to review a dating app recently as part of my job as a software reviewer. It was so interesting! Basically, online dating could be incredible. I confess that under my tough exterior and reptilian thick skin, I am actually a massive softie and romantic at heart. I love the idea of these apps finding you a soulmate! (I wouldn’t go so far as to say you have one. One lost soul wandering the globe among 7 billion humans. Likelihood of you being in the same continent, let alone speaking the same language…the odds aren’t great I’d say.) Nevertheless, if we could outsource dating to intelligent computer algorithms, that’s it – Siri, find me a boyfriend! Tick.
So, what’s the catch? The algorithms will never work. Why? No one will ever be honest! Sure, you are “spontaneous, creative, you love music and films”. Who doesn’t love music and films? Find me one person. You like the “occasional drink, travelling and cooking”. Way to set yourself apart from the crowds!
My point is just that we – naturally – want to project our best version of ourselves to the world. Especially to potential prospective partners. But not only is our best version not necessarily our most regular version, sometimes it doesn’t tally that much which who we really are.
“I’m really messy. I have only odd-socks. I think I have a drinking problem and I have 4 credit cards”.
Hardly the words to woo the potential love of your life over a candlelit first date…but hey, if you find someone who accepts that, then they could be a much better long-term fit!
We are proud. Not in a bad way necessarily. We want to improve ourselves, we want to show our potential. We want to be the person that the bronzed surfer we just swiped right on would want to date…but where will that go? One date…two dates…how long can you keep up the “creative spontaneity and crazy off-peak skier”? When the day-to-day truth is that you are actually pretty shattered from working your 9-5 office job and dealing with background anxiety about a sick relative, a best friend growing distant, or the slipping façade of the mask you don for each date?
Anyway, obviously I cannot talk. I´ll know this particular dating app pretty well after this review, but otherwise I haven’t really played the online dating game. I tried Tinder once and went on three spectacularly awful dates before uninstalling it.
I just think, and this is corny advice so prepare for the taste of bile – but we simply need to love ourselves first. Flaunt our flaws and celebrate our shortcomings. No one is perfect. Can you imagine going out with a perfect person? Your fingers would slip off the statuesque muscle. You would feel inadequate and dispirited. It would be like being an unhappy shadow flapping along next to someone striding along in the sunlight. Life happens in the imperfections. You will find yourself in the hardest times. Also, a photoshopped life where everything is smooth-sailing and seamless. How terribly dull that would be.
Enjoy the bumps! Confess to the sloppiness, financial instability or insecurities. We’re only human! xxx